Blogjam election day special: “To Brixton; to Clapham; To Vauxhall. Please vote for me. I will call for the legalisation of almost all drugs except opiates; these will be available on prescription to addicts; this will stop the CIA Christian cult from making money off the poor. I will call for the execution of Blair and his heads of military and police.” Well, as manifestos go it’s perhaps a little on the strong side, but I’m still undecided, so why the hell not? (via metafilter)
Archive for June, 2001
I want a Palm Pilot. And then I want a Palm Pilot Robot Kit.
You can picture the scene. Brit-art hero Damien Hirst receives the call. There’s a plan to produce a limited edition print of Snowblind, the cult story of cocaine smuggler Zachery Swan. Would Damien like to get invloved? Sure, why not? Hirst spends the best part of 10 seconds considering the most crass and obvious options, and then tells his PA to get on with it. And the result? Oooh! A mirror bound edition! A metal credit card as a bookmark! A ‘free’ $100 bill! Oooh! Oooh! Too much inspiration! My head hurts!
Sometimes I stumble across a story so bizarre, so deeply contradictory, that I have to doubt my very sanity. A newspiece that’s headlined Paul Weller eases UN-Iraq tension is one such example. They can’t be listening to the Style Council, that’s for sure.
Of course, given my predeliction for all things softly pornographic, it’s hardly surprising that I’d link to one woman’s story of her first visit to a strip club. There’s something quite touching about Gwen’s tale though. And she does nice cartoons.
Gun talk is so very macho. In Illinois, according to local law, it appears one has to “rack the slide” at some point when attempting to comply with gun concealment regulations. In the example shown, our hero attempts to “deploy the weapon without looking down and be able to keep my eyes on the threat”. One day this man will shoot himself in the foot.
Computer manufacturer Novatech quizzed its customers on their knowledge of their machines, but what became apparent was an overall lack of knowledge. Confessions included that of an employee who, on her first day at work, snapped at IT support for not responding to her calls for help. “Well I pressed the F1 button marked ‘help’ ages ago but nobody came,” she protested. Oh dear. Apparently the British are not as tech-savvy as they’d like to think.
At last. The online resource I’ve been waiting for. I have the tools, and now I have the means. It’s time to design my own roller coaster.
Just got some ICQ spam, this one with a slightly more personal touch: “Penny: (6:55 PM) Howdy Would you like to be firstname.lastname@example.org? Get a free email address and homepage at http://personals.getlaid.net. Because you don’t want to make friends, you want to Get Laid.. for free! Well, of course I ICQ’d Penny straight back asking her to be more specific, enquiring if she was perhaps part of the deal. As yet, I’ve heard nothing… but I’m still here, still waiting…
“We are pleased to announce the commencement of our own domestic android project. This android will look like a woman. Why? Because a woman is less threatening than a full-sized adult male.” And more suited to domestic chores no doubt… A snip at just $25,000, which includes an artificial nose. Obviously.