letter not from middlesbrough

Crikey. I’ve been back from the Middlesbrough the best part of 48 hours, and still not reported on my trip. So here’s a few brief highlights.

Parmo: Despite prior knowledge of and an appetite for the delights of the much-fabled Parmo, I was unable to procure an example of this legendary dish. So actually, that’s not so much of a highlight. More of a disclaimer.

Football: It’s not often that the team you’re supporting loses 5-2 and it feels like a moral victory. While the Middlesbrough players trudged off the pitch at full-time, the vanquished Nuneaton team spent fifteen minutes on the pitch celebrating with the 4900 supporters who’d travelled up from the Midlands (Chelsea took just 903 earlier in the season).

Police Escort. Never had one before, but highly recommended. Makes getting where you want to go so much easier.

Press: My continued attempts to appear in every newspaper in the UK seem to be bearing fruit. If anyone has a copy of yesterday evening’s Nuneaton Evening Telegraph, I’m the one with the glasses, blue woolly hat and giant foam hand.

Radio: If anyone was listening to Radio Cleveland during the build-up to the game and heard one fan’s prediction of an 11-3 scoreline in favour of the ‘non-league minnows’ (© every lazy football columnist in the country), that was me. It was a joke.


  1. Why did you have a police escort? Is this a stupid question? Am I missing something?

  2. Because we were in a convoy of 50 coaches. It wasn’t just for my benefit.

  3. I thought you were a Northampton Town fan?

  4. I am, but one of my best mates is a Nuneaton fan – hence the temporary affiliation. Much like the time I went to Highbury with you.

  5. You get tired of a police escort after a while.

  6. What Ant said. Police escorts are OK to a point. What you really need are your own hired goons.

    I’ve had hired goons (with guns and everything), and they are officially aces.

  7. the parmo sounds phenomenal

  8. You’ve really made it now – kittenwar is mentioned in this week’s popbitch email.

  9. Police Escorts can be a sinister pain. I watch Hereford United for my sins, but have not lived near the place in years.

    In the 1980s the biggest worry was avoiding being forced on to a train for Hereford, instead of Loughborough, Edinburgh or anywhere else I was living for a time. This involved avoiding the away end, which was always amusing.

    As it was Hereford, and defeat away inevitable it was easy to keep quiet.

  10. Ahh, the parmo is a wonderful, wonderful creation – After spending four years at Teesside Uni and still frequently revisiting I’ve packed away more than a couple in my time (as my waistline is testament to). Best served cubed by a pizza slice with chips and salad for easy consumption on the drunken walk home.

    Maybe next time Fraser, maybe next time.