letter from america

I’m back. Here follows the boring “what I did while I was away” bit.

Flying is one of the most tedious activities known to man, and yet my flight to Washington is more than a little eventful. First of all a female passenger trips up in the aisle somewhere over Newfoundland and manages to smash her head on the armrest of the seat behind me, then rises to her feet screaming and showering blood over the other passengers. As if this weren’t enough, when we’ve landed and are queuing up to pass through immigration, a gentleman in front of me collapses with what could well be deep vein thrombosis. Even as the stricken passenger is sliding in and out of consciousness, his wife shrieking and medics on their way, an immigration officer is still persistantly attempting to ascertain the reason for his visit. Welcome the USA.

I quickly drop my bags at the Topaz, the city’s ‘most enlightened boutique hotel,’ where my room has two TVs, two hi-fi systems, and a yoga annex. Yes, a yoga annex. Sadly I don’t have time to explore my sprituality as it’s time to head straight off to the MCI Centre for The Wizards against The Bulls. It’s a pretty straightforward victory for the home side, and Michael Jordon has one of his quieter nights, hitting just seventeen points and being outscored by four other players on court. He doesn’t drive to the basket very often, content to set up chances for the other players, but a couple of times he hits one of those unstoppable, tongue-out, fadeaway jump-shots, the flashbulbs explode all oer the arena, and you get a small taste of just why he’s one of the greatest figures in all of sport.

The next morning I check out before breakfast and walk downtown to the Vietnam Memorial, where I throw up. Yes, for the last 24 hours or so I’ve been suffering from some kind of bug or virus, spending much of the time in a state of near-delirium, and this culminates in a most unpatriotic display of projectile vomiting at the base of the wall. Thankfully, there’s no-one else around, and I am free to sheepishly wander the mile or so to Union Station to catch a train to New York.

Of course there’s no cure for illness better than a night of alcohol abuse, so my host Veronica and I meet up with Wendy Mitchell, author of an indispensable guide to the city’s seediest dive bars, and her friend Carrie, who looks like Britney Spears and proves to be very popular with the drunken Irishman at the first bar we visit. Much serious drinking follows, and we end the evening at a bar where hotly tipped combo The Rapture are DJing. There’s almost no-one in attendance, leading me to wonder whether this current New York revival is really only happening in London (although I will recommend that you keep an eye out for the quite tremendous Ambulance Ltd – remember kids, you read it here first).

Yesterday was a day spent doing all the things one is supposed to do in The Big Apple. I buy books and CDs, I check out a film and, most importantly, I head downtown to the Century 21 department store, a port of call each time I’ve been here. It’s right across the street from Ground Zero, yet the building was pretty much undamaged by the 9/11 attacks – I guess even Al Qaeda realise that you don’t mess with a man’s right to buy cheap underpants.

15 Comments

  1. Aaaaah. An entry without bollocks. Wb.

  2. City of God is really quite enjoyable. Did you like it?

  3. Yes, very much, although I was a little annoyed by all the “Brazilian Goodfellas” comparisons that were being made. It’s a lazy comparison, just because a film has a narrator and portrays violence in a reasonably stylish manner. It was beautifully filmed, though. Benny’s leaving party disco was a brilliant set-piece.

  4. Agreed – very lazy comparison. I like the way it all comes back to the chicken at the end. The way you have totally forgotten about it appearing at the start – because the middle content of the film is so good and just sucks you in. It is very clever – I doubt I’ll see a better film this year.

  5. you travel a lot.
    you sleep in boutique hotels, where you watch two tv-channels at a time.
    you meet the beautiful people.

    that job of yours brings a fortune, eh?

  6. Well done on getting Despot or Sexpot featured in this weeks Kerrang magazine, nice one!

  7. Charlotte – I wish my job paid a lot, but it really doesn’t. Staying in a boutique hotel at winter rates is much cheaper than the advertised rates. Flying to Antwerp and back last week cost less than a train trip to see my mother, who lives 60 miles away from me. Travel from a major hub like the UK is extremely cheap, quite often it’s cheaper to go somewhere else and spend time – local prices are always much cheaper. I can travel to Milan and stay for a weekend with a friend for the same price as a night out at the pub in London… the most expensive consideration is accomodation, but I stayed with friends in NY, Antwerp and for most of my time in Chile.

  8. fraser, you’re a lucky one, living in london and having a lot of friends around the world.
    I wish I were in your shoes. would be nice to know someone in london, new york, tokio…
    *sigh*

  9. Fraser, glad to see you made it to “City of God,” it’s my fave film of 2003 so far. Although I still highly recommend “Adaptation” as well! And are you trying to imply that *i* don’t look like Britney Spears? Okay, I don’t, but at least I know where to find cheap drinks. So any friends of Fraser’s are invited for a bar tour next time you are NYC.

  10. You wrote a book about drinking. Carrie looked like Britney Spears. Both are extremely impressive facts, I think.

  11. can we buy friends like yours, i wonder…

  12. Were there penguins? Just checking, like.

  13. cheerioh, scary
    long time no see. where are your penguin buddys?

  14. Charlotte: There will be penguin-ness soon.

  15. FROM MRS DESMOND GUEI,

    With due respect, trust and humanity I write this letter
    to you seeking your help and assistance though it’s
    difficult since we have not met before. I got your
    contact from the chambers of commerce and industry
    in Abidjan regarding your business profile and sincerity
    , I believe that you are capable and reliable in
    handling this urgent international transaction of this
    sort. I am Mrs Desmond Lucian, the first daugter of
    General Robert Guei, The former chief of General
    staff during the first republic, fomer minister of
    sport and finally former military ruler of the federal
    republic of cote d’ ivoire and also a great politician
    in cote d’ ivoire political arena. Because of my
    father’s sincerity he was killed on the 19th of
    september 2002, by unknown soldiers in his residential
    house, he was killed together with my mother, some of
    my brothers and sisters and some innocent visitors
    that was unfortune to be there, he was giving false
    accusation by the government to be the leader of the
    recent coup plot in cote d’ ivoire . The planners of
    the incident are said to be dissidents soldiers ocurred
    suspected to have the backing of the government and
    president Gbabo. Before his death, He disclose to me
    about the diplomatic box he deposited in a security
    company containing us$20.5million (twenty million five
    hundred thousand united states dollars). Just after
    the last election he loses to President Gbabo. My
    name was the next of kin and the original document
    of deposit is intact. The fear of money not raising
    eyebrows here in cote d’ ivoire, I decided to write
    to you seeking for help to claim the right ownership
    of this consignment and for you to open a new account
    for this money to be transfer to as all arrangements
    for a hitch free transfer have been fully taken care
    of. I want to assure also that this transaction is
    100% risk free as no other person know this box apart
    from me and husband. Sir, as for your reward and kind
    assistance I have resolve to give you 15% percent of
    the total amount, 5%
    for any expenses that might be incure in the course of
    this transaction. I planned to invest the rest of the
    money in your country under your guidiance. If you are
    willing to help me try as much as possible to reach me
    with the email to enable us proceed in eanest towards
    concluding all transaction. Sir, bear in mind that my
    life depend on this fund and I do hope that this money
    will be safe when finally transfered into your new
    account. I do hope of establishing a rewarding and
    good relationship with you and your family after this
    transaction. Hoping to hear from you as soon as
    possible.
    Thanks for your co-operation and God bless.
    Best regard
    Mrs Desmond Lucian.