yes, i have no kittens today

Blogjam is not a pet shop.

This may be obvious to most readers, but I feel I have to make this point clear following some recent correspondence. The first e-mail arrived yesterday:

hello do you have any more of those white cat the fluffy ones with blue eyes left because i want to
buy my friend one and if you have any can they please try to get us a kitten and how much woould it be

How odd, I thought. Today, a second missive dropped gracefully onto my desktop:

hi it’s me again and do you have any more of those cats that are big fluffy and big blue eyes that are cute left well it you do you can contact me at 724 745 ****

I’m sorry bubbafif (I assume that’s your real name), but my kittens are strictly virtual. I can see from your area code that you’re based in South West Pennsylvania – might I suggest you try the branch of Petland at Franklin Plaza on Route 888, Ellwood City (724 752 2633)? My understanding is that they carry a range of animals to delight most needs. Most importantly, however, the store operates puppy and kitten socialization rooms which will give you an opportunity to play with the pet of your choice and get better acquainted. Good luck finding what you want.


  1. give it up Fraser.. Just hand over the goddamn cats. Stop doing this ‘I’m not a petshop thing’. We all know you are and it’s just not funny.

  2. You damn fool Fraser. Sell ’em a penguin!

  3. I’m still waiting for that school of mackerel that you sold me Fraser. Goddamit, its been 14 weeks now since my order.

    Surely even you could have gathered up an adequately sized bait ball by now.

    And I don’t want none o them sardines neither. I can tell the difference.

  4. Don’t refer someone to a petstore!!! I don’t know if you have the same problems on your side of the ocean, but here in the States 8 million dogs & cats are killed in shelters every year because of our terrible pet overpopulation problem. Animals in shelters need homes; animals in pet stores usually come from mills!

  5. Mills? You mean these creatures are constructed from flour and water?

  6. Of course? Where did you think dog biscuits came from?

    Actually, Callie’s assertion is not accurate. With the exception of purebreds, most kittens in pet stores were formerly strays or unwanted newborns (yes, even in the states).

    That is all.