Meat Meat Meat Meat Meat

Meat is murder: lovely, tasty murder.

When I left my job recently, my distraught colleagues rewarded me for seven years, 10 months and 19 days of unrelenting perfection by buying me an eighth of a cow.

The beast, butchered then hung for 21 days, is now in my procession. You can see all its bovine bits displayed below in the blogjam bedroom (I don’t usually photograph meat in the boudoir, btw, I just thought the blood matched the colour scheme quite nicely). Eagle-eyed readers may also have spotted the rather magnificent cat-shaped lamp, and be interested to learn the it’s the only feline-themed item I own (apart from the websites, of course).

I’m not sure what to make from all this meat – apart from some kind of beef igloo – so I’d like suggestions for recipes. Here’s the list of cuts and weights.

Cut Weight (grams)
Topside 1475
Topside 1427
Top Rump 1350
Silverside 1221
Silverside 1145
Rib 1125
4 x Burgers 955
Stewing Steak 719
Braising Steak 700
Mince 668
Rump Steak 623
Fillet Steak 586
Skirt Steak 571
Stewing Steak 569
Mince 563
Rump Steak 550
Braising Steak 512
Braising Steak 501
Mince 499
Stewing Steak 458
Mince 402
Sirloin Steak 394
Stewing Steak 377
Braising Steak 372
Braising Steak 314
Total Weight: Shit-loads

Any ideas? I already have the skirt steak marked out for a serving or two of Uccelletti Scappati, but the rest is awaiting your input. Go mental.


  1. Rump Steak…

    Fix it just like you would your regular roast. In a roasting pan put
    the roast , potatoes, carrots, tomatoes, celery and 2 onions. Cover the roast and vegetables with water, then pour a full bottle of your favorite BBQ sauce into the water. Put in oven on 275 degrees and cook real slow for about 5-6 hours, maybe even a little longer if you have the time to spare. It makes it’s own gravy, and it’s wonderful.
    If you have fresh corn on the cob, cut them into smaller cob lengths
    and add them to the broth, too.

  2. HFW’s breseola from the meat book is ace, and a worthy use of one of the silver/topsides

  3. I think the only thing to do with a fillet steak is to make it into beef wellington.

  4. Rump Steak Pizza!
    Must be a first in the history of mankind.

  5. Slow, very slow, cook the brisket with plenty of smokey chilli sauce. The Texans have this down to a fine art.

  6. Dear Fraser,

    I am happy to supply you with a recipe for Scottish Steak Pie, which is quite quite wonderful.

    It will happily take care of your best braising steak.

    Let me know, and I’ll send you the recipe. (It’s at home, and I’m not, but I can type it out later.)

  7. Fraser, I would make a steak and guiness pie with the cheaper cuts (braising and the like). Really simple to make (fry beef + onions, add veg + guiness, cook for 2 hours) top with puff pastry or if your feeling adventurous use your own short crust base in a pie dish. Serve with chips or mash and wash it down with a fine ale. I like a Deuchars IPA.

  8. Do you still want us to look after some of your meat? Or are you sleeping with it in the blogjam bedroom?

  9. Never mind the beef.. The power cord sticking out of (what would be) the cat lamp’s backside is somewhat troubling.

  10. i don’t know, i don’t eat beef.

  11. Hmmm…

    – Try Carpaccio, if you don’t want to do a tartare.
    – Biltong if you’re feeling adventurous. Makes a great beer-snack!
    – Tornedos Rossini if you’re feeling particularly extravagant.

  12. Steak and chips. With mushrooms, onion rings and six peas.

    The Berni Inn Footballer’s Feast.

  13. I’d have a stab at making some biltong.

  14. Any of the steak cuts, garlic bulb halved, bit of rosemary, bit of thyme, coupla lugs of V O oil, frying pan, medium heat.
    4 mins each side (or to your liking, which I imagine being the meat guru that you are is something of which you have an intimate knowledge).
    Remove meat to warm plate, add white wine to pan, scrape to deglaze, remove hebs and garlic, throw in some capers and creme fraiche.
    Add any juices from the meat reduce for a minute or two.
    Spoon liquor onto plate with the steak on top. Magic!
    I like to serve mine with bratkartoffeln or horseradish potato cakes!

  15. Wot? No oxtail??

    You’ve been robbed somewhere along the line.


  16. you have a new job? opened a restaurant or a chocolate house???

  17. I suggest that you learn how to administer your own colonic irigation and just crack on.

    On a personal note, I’ve always wanted to cook things in the ground. Dig a massive hole, light a slighly less masive fire (with some rocks in the bottom to retain heat). Wrap meat (I fancy doing a medium sized pig) in something that won’t burn and toss the rascal in. Cover with earth and nip out for swift 1/2 dozen. Eat meat!

    Use the rendred fat to make authentic iron age candles.

  18. You have scatter cushions in your bedroom. You are a single man. I let the Blogjam alumnus draw their own conclusions.

  19. I’ve got an idea. Hire out a large warehouse. Fill it with large perspex-glass cubes, each one containing a portion of your leaving gift. Introduce some maggots to each portion, and you have a very interesting art show.

    No wait! Somebody did that already, right?

  20. OMG – i love your electrical device/cat thing!! (on the nightstand in the photo) the plug coming out of the butt is hilarious!! where did you get it? too funny.

  21. Thanks, and edited. Must pay more attention.

  22. The original order did come with offal, but while the meat was carefully packaged and labeled, the entrails were slung willy-nilly into a bag, and apparently attracted the flies pretty quickly.

    In the end, the bag was dumped in a lay-by in Surrey, left for the foxes.

  23. I was just about to suggest the same – my local sandwich shop was doing salt beef bagels yesterday from a big joint they’d cooked up that morning.

    Beautifully pink, tender and salty.

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