Rare “I’m not dead” update

Blimey. It’s close to 3000 hours since my last post. What a fucking shambles.

So, what have I not reported on?

1) My holiday to France, Belgium, Germany, Austria, Romania, Hungary, Bulgaria, Turkey, Iran and Syria. It was great, although eight days on a train for a man of my advanced years isn’t something I’d recommend lightly. Highlights included the cross-eyed hotelier in Tehran, the racist, permy-haired light entertainer in Romania, and a visit to the World’s biggest restaurant. Pictures are below.

2) My trip to Iceland, doing my best to save their ravaged economy. Highlights? Eating puffin, swimming in the Blue Lagoon on a blisteringly cold night, and that exhilarating Arctic wind. Photos follow.

3) Finishing my animal eating A-Z for The Observer. The full list of articles is contained in one nifty package here. I’m especially fond of ‘Y’, for yak.

4) Drinking lots of ginger beer. Ginger beer is ace. Especially the Bunderberg variety.

5) Cooking my finest ever meal: roast venison with parsnip puree, parsnip crisps, demi-glace and red wine sauce, braised red cabbage, beetroot fondant and creamed autumn mushrooms, followed by a chocolate and vodka parfait pyramid with mango and passionfruit coulis. I’m the white Ainsley Harriott, I tell you.

6) Buying an internet radio, listening to weeks of pre-election build-up on C-Span, and realizing that the most dangerous part of democracy is the bit where ordinary folk are allowed to vote.

7) The Hank Williams Unreleased Recordings box-set. To draw a parallel, this is like finding five previously unheard Beatles albums, all better than the original releases. Literally country & western-tastic.

8) The Kittenwar 2009 Wall Calendar! Available from Amazon now!

9) The Kittenwar 2009 Daily Calendar! Available from Amazon now!

10) Getting to review the new AC/DC album for the mighty WORD magazine. This is one of life’s checkbox moments, like visiting the Grand Canyon, eating at the Fat Duck, or sharing a bed with two of Girls Aloud.

11) Realizing, finally, that Bjork is never going to leave her husband for me. Or Lila Downs. Or Yma Sumac. Mind you, she’s dead, and when she was alive she was really old and stuff and probably smelt of ointment, so that’s possibly a good thing.

12) Realizing that I obviously have a bit of a thing for foreign ladysingers.


  1. My, those Kittenwar calendars look like smashing, high-quality pieces of publishing, I bet they’d make perfect Christmas gifts for just about everyone! And at a bargain price too!

  2. Welcome back sir, the pictures are worth the 3000 hour wait.

  3. Hrumph, trip to Iceland eh? I thought of it first.

    I missed the Gordon Brown poster though – where was that?

  4. It all depends on which two out of Girls Aloud you are talking about. A man’s got to maintain standards.

  5. Nice to have you back. We’re expecting some extraordinary tales from the road! :)
    Greetings from Oslo.

  6. You MUIST come to Plymouth next time lol
    My Nan is VERTY keen to meet you!!!!!! rofl
    NOT in THAT way though – sicko !!!!!!! pmsl

  7. I’ve decided to wait 3000 hours before replying to this blog post.

    Oh. Damn.

  8. …and you know what we’re waiting for, don’t you? It’s almost time for a “Best of 2008” post!

  9. No further comment yet? Waiting eagerly to hear more about your adventures….

  10. Hey mate, good you’re back…but aren’t we missing something…were is the best albums of 2008 list??….c’mon don’t, make your fans wait….

  11. Fraser, get your shit together. You write a book and you’re suddenly too good to update your blog? Hmph! I’ll stop checking in sooner or later.

  12. Brother Fraser. You seem to be letting down your adoring (?) fans, so I feel it to be my duty to remind you of the time when you were a small boy, and our Mother sent you off to get a small cabbage. You returned with a brussel sprout.

  13. quickly approaching a record 4000 hours

  14. You dead yet? I’m hungry and bored, gonna look through some of yer old foodie posts.

  15. Those kittens do look cute. But a tenner for a calendar in July? I’ll wait for 2010…

    PS Keep up the good work on the Word podcast. Thanks

  16. I think you need a new “am-not-dead” update.

  17. …and you know what we\’re waiting for, don\’t you? It\’s almost time for a “Best of 2009? post!

  18. Yes. I just logged on to see if there was a ‘Best of’ to read, but apparently you are still dead. My alternative blogread for my coffee breaks is Scaryduck and my computer isnt letting me on his site at the mo. Pfff. gonna have to do some work at this rate!
    Lively up yourself, dead Fraser!

  19. Ssshh. He’s resting.

  20. Congrats with the new design!