Archive for April, 2001


We began experimenting with all these ingredients, dividing them into groups and sub-groups for testing, and then later in various combinations, ratios, and concentrations. It was during this phase that we began to find success. Ultimately, we discovered the optimal fomula that not only removes the nasty, bitter, foul taste of semen, but also can add an almost-sweet flavor that makes cum actually tasty. Ugh. And yes, it’s available for purchase.


This is as good idea. Dave is getting people to contribute lists of their favourite records, but rather than ask people just to list a basic top ten, he’s getting them to provide a soundtrack of their life – those records which meant most at various moments. I’ve contributed – Why don’t you?

talking crap

Heart of Darkness 2001: Apocalypse Cow
Rather like the hero of Joseph Conrad’s original classic or Willard in Coppola’s psychedelic screen adaptation, I’m taking a step into the unknown. As I write I’m travelling westwards towards Cornwall in the hope of confronting two old sparring partners who appear to have gone native. It’s a peculiar trek into the wilderness. The countryside is rife with a plague of medieval proportions, and news brought back from the front suggests that at least one of my old friends has completely lost his traditionally flimsy grip on reality. I’m more than a little concerned. He’s shot his girlfriend and burnt her carcass in the wake of the epidemic, and now spends his time struggling to understand the forms he’ll have to send to the Government in order to claim some financial compensation. It’s a long journey.


All Northern Europeans speak near-perfect English; from the Dutch to the Danish, it’s a well-known fact. Most of them, rather impressively, speak better English than the English do. All except the person who wrote the band descriptions for this year’s Roskilde festival. Jazzy vibes wrap themselves around house and broke. It says here. (via Anja, whose English *is* damn-near perfect).

Melody Arnold

Deb at AOL writes,”I just saw your site and had to write. I was one of those people who made the mistake of letting the wrong artist work on me. Not just once or twice, but THREE times. Back then I used to get high. I no longer do that. But, on 2 occassions when I was tattooed, the artist was getting high with me. Her name was Melody Arnold and she used to own a place called Electric Illustrations on Canton Rd. Which was CLOSED DOWN sometime ago. ALL 3 of the tattoos I got from Melody are really screwed up. I was young, and dumb. I didn’t know that a tattoo was not supposed to look the way mine did.” Whatever you do, never get involved in the Akron Ohio Tattoo Wars.

meme update

Jeez. I’ve not updated since Saturday. Apologies, and just so you haven’t missed anything, here are three of the latest memes flying round: one, two (yeah, I know) and three. OK, so I lied about the last one. Shoot me.