About

1. I was born in the Southern-most capital city of the World shortly before England won the World Cup. The football one.
2. I’ve never had a headache.
3. Or a nosebleed.
4. Countries I’ve visited include The USA, Russia, Ukraine, Poland, Serbia, Mongolia, China, Japan, Australia, New Zealand, Chile, Hong Kong, North Korea, South Korea, Canada, Sweden, Norway, France, Germany, Italy, Spain, Sri Lanka, Egypt, Greece, The Netherlands, Belgium, Portugal, Iceland, Czechoslovakia, Israel, Cambodia, Vietnam, Finland, Thailand, Austria, Hungary, Romania, Bulgaria, Turkey, Iran, Syria, Turkmenistan, Argentina, India, Nepal, United Arab Emirates and the Republic of Ireland.
5. I once fell backwards off my chair whilst being given at lapdance at Stringfellows nightclub. I had been drinking.
6. My mother was briefly Stravinsky’s secretary.
7. My paternal grandfather kept goal for Brighton and Hove Albion.
8. My maternal grandfather played Davis Cup tennis for India.
9. I went to school with a precocious child called Michael Galvin. He went on to become perhaps New Zealand’s biggest soap-star, performing as sex symbol Dr Chris Warner in ‘Shortland Street’.
10. I used to work for The Cure. Once, I ordered Robert Smith a fireplace made of seashells.
11. I worked with Ricky Gervais before he was David Brent.
12. I’ve been contacted by porn star Asia Carrera.
13. I like hospitals.
14. My white chocolate cheesecake is to die for.
15. The first major sporting event I attended was New Zealand’s maiden test victory over England at the Basin Reserve, Wellington, in 1978.
16. I’ve watched Michael Jordan play basketball.
17. After cutting my hair in 1982, I didn’t have it short again until 2004.
18. I have two tattoos. I’d like another.
19. After spending the bulk of my teenage years in Northampton I moved to London, and have lived in Osterley, Hounslow East, Hounslow West, Richmond, Hackney, Stoke Newington, Forest Gate, Stratford, Camden, Kentish Town, Clapham North, Brixton, Kilburn and Islington.
20. I contracted salmonella a child and almost died. It was from an undercooked turkey my mother made on Christmas day. She did not do this deliberately.
21. Growing up in New Zealand, two of my friends were called Patrick Moore and David Niven. No relation.
22. If you ever see the successful British movie ‘East is East’, watch out for the club scene. That’s me, that is.
23. The first live gig I saw was Toyah Wilcox at the Leicester De Montford Hall in 1982.
24. I was once interviewed on television by Lynda La Plante, author of the award-winning ‘Prime Suspect’ TV series. The subject matter was gun control and the dangers of video gaming. The editing made me look bad.
25. My first real crush was a girl named Caerys Hardman. The second was Amanda Abolins. I was 11. They were 11. Raroa Intermediate school, 1978.
26. My first proper job was working at McDonalds on Saturdays. I was fired before my trial period had expired for shooting the manager in the face with a mayonnaise gun. It was not an accident.
27. I was the first person employed by XFM radio. During our trial broadcasts I worked a series of 140-hour weeks. After a while you begin to hallucinate.
28. I was once given a morphine suppository.
29. The anterior crutiate ligament in my right knee is made of an active bioprosthetic composite material.
30. I have appeared onstage at a sold-out Brixton Academy dressed as a white rabbit, holding an electric guitar and miming to the music.
31. Princess Diana once asked me the way to Marylebone Lane. I sent her off in the wrong direction.
32. See those dancers in Primal Scream’s ‘Loaded’ video? One of them is me. I also appear in ‘Mint Car’ by The Cure, ‘Magic’ by Cud and ‘Remember What It Is That You Love’ by The Family Cat.
33. Battlezone is an Atari arcade classic. I was my college’s unofficial champion in 1985-1986, once spending four and a half hours on the machine following the insertion of a single 10 pence.
34: My left thumb is double-jointed.
35: My party trick is putting cigarettes out. On my tongue. It’s actually very easy, and doesn’t hurt. Go on, try it.
36: I’ve never learnt to drive.
37: I donate money to websites I use.
38: Services I’ve donated to in the past and no longer use include blogger, greymatter, movable type and MT-blacklist.
39: I don’t like horses. Anything that big and stupid is not to be trusted.
40: The two places I most want to visit Tuva and Svalbard.
41: I like to think I’m partially responsible for the popularity of kittens on the Internet.
42: My favourite foods include pork pies, chicken escalope with parma ham and mozzarella in a toasted ciabatta sandwich, tiramisu, cheese on toast, seared tuna with a sweet potato and mustard mash, and white chocolate cheesecake. Did I tell you about my cheesecake?
43: I’ve twice delivered packages to the front door of 10 Downing Street.
44: I’ve got Mark E. Smith’s home phone number. I’ve never rung it.
45: I’ve played a round of golf at Turnberry, home to the British Open on several occasions. I didn’t get anywhere near par, although I was looking good for well under 100 until pitching repeatedly into Wilson’s Burn at the 16th.
46: I’ve lived in the UK since 1979 but still don’t have a British passport.
47: I’ve been to New York more times than I’ve been to Brighton. Brighton is just 60 miles away.
48: It’s quite possible that I wrote the World’s first weblog to appear on a pure-play commercial website. It appeared at Vitaminic UK between mid 2000 and late 2002. It’s no longer online.
49: Amongst the many musicians I’ve met are David Bowie, Robbie Williams, Debbie Harry, Noel Gallagher, Thom Yorke, Robert Plant, Jimmy Page, Polly Harvey, Nick Cave and that bloke out of Blur.
50: I’ve DJed at a Beastie Boys party
51: I’m single. Perhaps it’s all the name-dropping.

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