journey from hell

In 1922, the gloriously named Apsley Cherry Gerrard published The Worst Journey in the World, a devastatingly bleak account of Scott’s disastrous Antarctic expedition of a few years earlier. It’s a gripping read, and only falls down in one respect: the accuracy of the title. Gerrard obviously never endured the kind of minicab ride from Dalston to Kilburn that I’ve just braved, being hectored for the entire length of the trip by a born-again Christian driver on a mission to convert anyone unfortunate enough to share his car, to the soundtrack of Shanks & Bigfoot’s execrable “Sweet Like Chocolate” single played at ear-splitting volume, on repeat. Seriously. And he didn’t have any change.

I feel as if I’ve been violated. I’m guessing Captain Oates would only have made it as far as Swiss Cottage before bailing.


  1. Feh. You lightweight. You have obviously never travelled on South West Trains, kings of the replacement bus service via every bastard shit hole in the entire world. And Poole.

  2. Was his driving OK though? I’d like to think I could survive any amount of cabbie-bollocks™ but it scares the crap out of me when they start driving like idiots.

    I got a cab the other week that had most of the side trim scrapped off down one side. I was in a hurry. I got in. The very laid back elderly Jamaican spent most of the journey talking about how he was going to go home and retire but was waiting for his cataract operation.

  3. A cab driver tried to convert me once on a journey from central london, to Brixton. He was nice enough about it all. At one point, he literally pulled over, turned round and asked if i would like to hold his hand and pray with him. I said no, so we started driving again.
    I have a friend who’s a vicar though – I usually tell people if anyone was going to convert me it would be her, so I’ve got God covered, thanks very much.

  4. Try Getting a night bus from Brixton to Leytonstone… Nice

  5. My worst ever ride was on a bus. Yep, a train replacement bus. The thing was swerving on and off the road, driver had clearly lost any remnant of the plot. I really thot we was gonna die. I got up and scared the lving sh outta him. He grew up a bit and we made it in one piece.

    Yeah, yours sounds bad, but….

    Maybe if folk lodge complaints this kind of thing would reduce.

    Me… least I think so.