seven questions

I was going to do an entry listing ten questions I’d like answered, but I could only think of seven. So instead, I’m doing an entry listing seven questions I’d like answered. Here they are.

  1. If Maradona has a cocaine problem, how come he’s so fat?
  2. If you open an Excel document, why are you always prompted to save your changes when you close it, even if you haven’t made any?
  3. Why are Friday night TV schedules filled with the kind of programmes that only appeal to people who are out on Friday night, and therefore won’t see them?
  4. Why do restaurants serve salt and pepper? If you’re a chef with years of training behind you, someone who’s producing a menu featuring the finest of delicately blended dishes, then the last thing you want is some idiot customer covering your creation with salt and completely altering the flavour. Surely?
  5. Why is Liverpool’s captain Steven Gerrard continually referred to as inspirational, even though the players around him regularly perform below-par? Inspired, maybe, but inspirational?
  6. Why is it that I’m convinced I could make Mariah Carey happy, despite the lack of supporting evidence?
  7. What the fuck am I supposed to do with 50 gmail invites?

Answers on a postcard.


  1. The answer to #2 is rather remarkably mundane: Excel automatically recalculates every forumla in a spreadsheet upon file open, so even if you don’t do anything, the file has been changed by the application’s standards.

  2. Also, Excel remember which cell you had highlighted.

  3. 6. For the same reason why if Kurt Cobain had married me and not Courtney, he’d still be alive…?


  4. #7 The last one is easy. Send ’em to’s gmail invite spool.
    #1 Maybe he’s onto alot of other stuff too.. like heroine.. or food..

  5. 3: Are they? Gosh, hand’t noticed. Not that I’m out much on Friday night these days. Saturday night though… *shudders*

  6. mariah: you sure have some relations to the showbizz? get her phonenumber and try it. or marry a penguin instead…

  7. Hmm. I appear to have cocked up the html on the last entry. I was trying to say that Emile Heskey beats Gerrard on the google stats measure.

  8. 1) PIES! Lots and lots of pies.

  9. restaurants have salt and pepper tables to help waiters. they point towards seat #1. that way if someone else has to bring out your food, or you forget who ordered what, you can look at your seat numbers instead of interrupting and looking dumb. and i guess cause some people salt their fries instead of using ketchup.