Travelogue over, it’s time for me to get back to what I do best. No, not cooking. Or masturbation. Or even amateur taxidermy. It’s time to start complaining about stuff. One of my regular sources of frustration, the Independent newspaper, are still refusing to publish my letters. Perhaps I’m on some sort of blacklist.


Much as I enjoyed John Walsh’s three page advertisement for Dyson (15th November), I must take issue with his statement that the ‘contrarotator’ washing machine is a “huge success”. This product has not been available to purchase for some time, withdrawn because production was unprofitable. I look forward to Walsh promoting the “ever-popular” Sinclair C5 and the “taste sensation” that is Cherry Coke.



Tomorrow I’ll be complaining about a restaurant even before I’ve eaten there.

I bet you can’t wait.


  1. wait…i thought the latest flavor switch-up was based on cherry selling *better* than other flavors…?

  2. The Sinclair C5 ruled. I liked the Vic20 and the ill-fated Commodore C16 better though. I never understood why people brought the Commodore 64 when the C16 was far superior.

    Cherry Coke is pretty rancid, but I will drink it.

    I like complaining too. I complain best by email when drunk. Usually to companies who give bad service. E.g. the canteen at work. Talk about “service with a snarl”.

    Now you’ve got the complaining over with, I expect you to return to the other things you do best (i.e. cooking and masturbation) and to post photos of your beautiful creations for us all to enjoy.

  3. Hopefully Milady seeks only photographs of culinary adventures!

  4. I wouldn’t count on it, Craig.

  5. Damned right Ant. Uncensored hardcore Kiwi wanking pics sell for atleast £3 on Ebay.

  6. Milady, I think you’re confusing the Sinclair C5 with the mighty Spectrum. You couldn’t play Manic Miner on the C5, although you could reach a top speed of about 15mph.

  7. > Milady, I think you\’re confusing the Sinclair C5 with the mighty
    > Spectrum. You couldn\’t play Manic Miner on the C5, although you could > each a top speed of about 15mph.

    In today’s lesson, we will be learning sarcasm.

    It’s a ski resort in Austria, apparently.

    I liked Manic Miner: very catchy theme music.

  8. Unfortunately searching for ‘Kiwi wanking’ on eBay has only suggested a pair of 30 inch waist Crag – Hopper Kiwi WALKING trousers in Navy Blue. Fraser, I would suggest you pack these in your hand – luggage for future trips rather than packing in your day job on the hope of the kind of illustrious porn star career due to the bloke in the brown trousers as shown in your travelogue!

  9. Now I have images in my head. Small, brown, hairy ovoids being fondled indelicately. That sort of thing.

    They make me shudder.

  10. Dysons are shit. I had one, and it was shit. Now, Sebos – Sebos are the business.

    That is all.

  11. Yay. Fraser is back. I’m glad you had a nice holiday and all, but it’s posts like these that make me read blogjam.