the good news

OK. I think it’s about time I finally revealed what’s been keeping me awake at night: Tom (my partner in kittenwar crime) and I have agreed to write a book based on the website. We’re signing up to a very respectable American publishing house, and are currently considering UK offers. Perhaps most thrillingly, we share a UK literary agent with H*** F******y W**********l, meaning that my stalking of the great man can continue unhindered, camouflaged beneath a cloak of professional fellowship.

One thing I guarantee: I will remain unaffected by this good fortune, despite the dream I had the other night, in which I appeared on the David Letterman show, arms outstretched in a crucifix pose, loudly proclaiming “I AM A KITTEN JESUS!” for the benefit of the studio audience, while kittens clambered gleefully over my torso.

Perhaps I just need to see a psychiatrist.

And the bad news? There is *no* bad news.


  1. That is good news. But as a die-hard Bad News voter, I want to know what would have happened if we’d won.

    P.S. Creepy mental image

    P.P.S Especially if you were to wear those Korea trousers on Letterman

    P.P.P.S Can I have a free copy of your book? (Actually I’d really like a new copy of HFW’s Meat book cos I gave mine to my Dad and he hasn’t given it back).

  2. Nice work honky.

  3. That is good news. Now hurry up and get it written. (I have very little patience these days.)

  4. Hah-ha! At last. Good choice of literary agent too ;)

  5. Aarghhh. My smiley turned into a smiley. I hate it when it does that…..

  6. Don’t hold your breath, Ant – it won’t be hitting the stores until late 2007.

  7. I shall throw a tantrum. Just you see.

  8. I have Hugh’s mobile phone number, which I can now justifiably sell to you for a large sum.

  9. Don’t forget to shamelessly write about moi and my pussy.

  10. Hot pot of coffee,great news.I hope you won’t be like those twats that win the lottery and then say that it wont change them.Here’s to a kitten shaped swimming pool.

  11. Huzzah! to good news and no bad news! I believe in self publishing however.

  12. May you suck on the marrow of good fortune, and enjoy an audience as welcoming as Milady’s minge (in the finest possible way, of course).

  13. Delurking for a moment to say two things:

    1. Congratulations, well deserved.

    2. Methinks Milady is beginning to sound like a badly broken record.

    And now, back to lurking.

  14. Is it written yet?

    I bet H*** F******y W**********l would love to pan fry a couple of kittens in goose lard.

  15. Nope, it’s not written yet. It exists as a top-secret rough mock-up only.

  16. Mehopes Milady listens not to Gavin the cockroach.

  17. Will the book be illustrated? Pictures of Nohands at a jaunty angle and such?

  18. There will be lots of pictures of kittens, but I fear Nohands will not make the final cut.

  19. Good work!

    Please make it good. Bookshops seem to be filled with recycled web-content these days.

  20. We plan to make it the best kitten book ever.

  21. This will probably make you a Kitten Magnate. How many more steps before you become a Kitten Overlord, do you think?

  22. You see – good things come to those who share food!

    Now – when can you make a nice book about puppies? Everyone knows they’re best.

  23. someone needs to do to sort out once and for all the kitten vs puppy question. and if you do it, fraser, I want 25% for coming up with the idea.

  24. Gah! Too much fluff! (Yes, there is such a thing.)

  25. What’s with the convex lens? Distorted puppies and kitties seem to loose their appeal to me.

  26. As my new favourtie T – Shirt reads ‘So many kittens, so few recipes’