i hate memes

Disclaimer: if you’re not a blogger, or are unfamiliar with the ways of the so-called ‘blogosphere’, I wouldn’t bother reading this post. It probably won’t make much sense, and it’s a minute of your life you’ll never be able to claim back.

meme n. A unit of cultural information, such as a cultural practice or idea, that is transmitted verbally or by repeated action from one mind to another.

Actually I don’t hate all memes. I just hate those that masquerade as blog content; those bloated, flatulent exercises in pointless fuckwittery perpetuated by idiots who don’t even have the necessary talent to fire up an anorexic paragraph of half-capable prose. Perfect example: The Friday Five. If honesty were at home, it would be called the “My head is completely empty, I have nothing to say, so here’s some pointless drivel that makes my hopeless shitsack of a website look up-to-date Five.”

The Tuesday Twosome? Once again, a more honorable title would read something along the lines of “The I’m incapable of sentient thought because I’ve spent the best years of my life engaged in a loving yet futile relationship with my computer. I am a witless oaf, and am not worthy of your pity Twosome.”

My god, there’s even a web page devoted to cataloging the damn things; a gleaming, rancid repository of hapless blog sewage.

It was with a heavy heart, therefore, that I received notice of being ‘tagged’ by two different bloggers, both of whom should really know much better, yet still requesting that I continue one such meme.

And because I can’t be arsed writing something that requires thought, and because I should probably let my few remaining readers know that I’m not dead, and because I’m a contrary old cock, I’m going to do so.

Four jobs you have had:
Salad-monkey, McDonald’s, Northampton
In charge of WWF catalogue shrink-wrapping machine
Personal assistant to rock star
Head of Music, Xfm radio, London

Four movies you could watch over and over:
Magnolia
Underground
Bladerunner
Hoop Dreams

Four places you’ve lived:
Johnsonville, New Zealand
Hounslow East, London
Hounslow Central, London
Hounslow West, London

Four television shows you love to watch:
Curb Your Enthusiasm
Shameless
Lost
M*A*S*H*

Four places you’ve been on vacation:
North Korea
Mongolia
Chile
Wichita, Kansas

Four of your favourite foods:
Vanilla ice cream
Steak tartare
Cheese on toast
Ham sandwich, white bread, no mustard

Four places you’d rather be right now:
Offline
Svalbard
Tuva
Between the slowly tensing thighs of a supermodel

Four sites I visit daily:
Last.FM
snurl.com
del.icio.us
b3ta

Four bloggers you are tagging:
Barbra Streisand
RuPaul
William Shatner
Jamie Oliver

Now let’s see how those fuckers get on.