I don’t like to think of myself as a weakling, but yesterday I cut myself. On a piece of toast.


  1. I’m not sure I want to know the answer…

    … but …

    … HOW?!

  2. Reminds me of the time I ruined a perfectly nice holiday in Hawaii by pulling a muscle in my shoulder that left me in excruciating pain for 3 weeks.

    How’d I do it?


  3. I’m not sure how it happened. I picked up the toast, felt a pain in my finger, and looked down to see it dripping blood.

    Examining the toast did not reveal any sharp edges.

  4. Hah! You spill your wimpblood with amusing ease!

  5. I had a recent complacency with my lovely kitchen knives – barely noticed a scratch on my little finger from one, and suddenly I noticed a small pool of blood gathering on the floor! Blighter just wouldnt stop bleeding. But toast? You could start a health and safety uproar.

  6. I reckon you cut yourself on something sharp previously, but didn’t notice until you caused pain by applying pressure to the wound when picking up the toast.

  7. We need more information, sir. What type of bread was it? Had you buttered it? Were you planning to add cheese or marmite or acai jam or what? Was it your toast or were you making it for another? Are you planning on making an insurance claim?

  8. In high school, I cut myself on a loaf of French bread.

    In my excuse, it was very crusty.

  9. This “blog” is certainly going downhill.

    Tune in tomorrow for stubbed toe revelation

  10. I once badly put my back out walking down some stairs while yawning, then there was the time I cut my finger on a toilet seat…

  11. I honestly believe this blog has jinxed me. I coughed yesterday and tore a muscle in my side.

    Forthwith, please write only about wealth, sex appeal, and bliss.

  12. lmao
    I only laugh ’cause that’s something I would’ve done lol

  13. I once tore a muscle in my shoulder by sneezing. I was in agony for days.

  14. Give up with the women. You truly are a poof, who throws a ball like a girl and who will never have any luck with the women (unlike myself, staying in on a Friday night, watching maggot be evicted and praying for Chantelle to win in the hope that THERE is a double spread with Jodie in the Sun on Monday.)

  15. Several times I’ve made a minor cut in the tip of a finger or thumb while chopping crudites, and the ensuing bloodbath has resembled the climactic scene from ‘Taxi Driver’.
    But toast – that sounds an entirely new danger. Vaguely remember a Liverpool reserve goalkeeper who was forced to retire after dislocating his shoulder while stooping to catch an ironing board as it clattered to the floor. Serves him right for ironing, I suppose…

  16. Dave Beasant the Wimbledon keeper was out for months after dropping a jar of mayonaise on his foot

  17. I once suffered extensive bruising and agony folding up a take away pizza box. It Bit me; so I’m not surprised that toast has had the same idea. Yeast is obviously rebelling.

  18. Could be the flour. Or do you reckon it’s just the stooge and the yeast is the brains behind it all?

  19. Fraser you pussy!!!
    PS: Kindly put your photo on Kittenwars as ’tis where you belong, clearly.

  20. I once did work experience at safeways and once cut myself on a french bread stick that i was packing. They are sharp mother fuckers. The bakers werent very sympathetic to my cut and struggled to find a bandage. So unfortunately someone got a bloody bit of french bread.

  21. FRENCH bread?! The dirty bastards.

  22. hi sir
    this taiwo and i we like to say i will love to go for a trail here cos am playing from 9,7 but the specific places i play is 9 i have short, staminer, i can run and i have started my football carier by age of 7 years and from that time i have played many tounament in nigeria so i will like to say i will like to come for this trail cos i have no parent at all am now using this time to begg u should pls let me come in name of the only god and i will like to join ur club may god bless u sir this my email sir joseph4godluv@yahoo.com thanks sir
    from; taiwo aragbaye
    to the team director

  23. I was denied the comfort of some pre- and post-match beers at Spurs today by Florence Nightingale-ly volunteering to drive my best friend there and back, after she ill-advisedly tried to trap a falling saucepan on her instep as it toppled from the sink, only to end up with a black and red and very painful big toe.
    Stupid, really. Should have trapped it under foot, on the first bounce, before sidefooting between the legs of the clothes horse. Then backheel-volleying the soap tablet into the dishwasher and nodding an Aerialator into the back of the washing machine.

  24. There must be an epidemic. I though I must be the only one ever, so I googled it, and your blog came up. Everyone’s going to think I copied now.

    I made the bread myself, so I can’t blame anyone. It was crusty. Very crusty. French bread method.

  25. I once had a friend who cut himself on the sharp edge of water…to this day we don’t know how he managed it. he though one of the two most accident prone people I know