Weird Naked Guy

I genuinely think I may be going a bit mad.

Lately I keep on waking up thinking I’m sharing the bed with someone. And instead of thinking, “Oh my fucking Christ, there’s someone in the bed with me” and panicking because I don’t know who they are, I think, “How embarrassing. I’m naked, with a stranger”. And I reach around on the floor to find my underpants and put them on to preserve my modesty. At this point I generally wake up properly and feel foolish. The other night I went one better, waking up and wondering where the person in my bed had gone — I then wandered naked around the flat looking for my mystery guest before, once again, waking up properly and returning sheepishly to bed.

I have no curtains in my front room.


  1. All those kittenwar groupies have finally gotten to ya, man! :D

  2. I am glad to hear from you again.
    your new neighbours will enjoy the show.
    can I come over to see it live?

  3. Was being beaten up by to speccy 4 eyed wimps in a dream the other night and woke up to the wife screaming that I’d just punched her in the face, which was wierd and has given me some good ideas for future excuses!

  4. fraser, there are far too many references to your naked body in this post. please stick to more butchering of pork please.

  5. the pork always comes with a lot of pictures…
    I really miss the pics in this post.

  6. And opposite a church, too.

  7. Serious anxiety issues, man. Kitchen therapy is called for. And buy some curtains, for heaven’s sake!

  8. in the netherlands they do not have curtains for religious reasons. anyone can see what you do, ’cause you’re a saint.
    st. frazer?

  9. When I was in my early 20’s and living with my Aunty, I awoke to find myself in her room with 2 ambulanc guys speaking very calmly at me.

    I’d been wandering the flat speaking nonsense, my Aunt was freaked to the back teeth and thought I was going to launch myself off the balcony. I was however partially clothed.

    Welcome to the club Fras.

    It makes life more interesting.


  10. you are like Susan George in Straw Dogs

  11. Senility creeps in the door. Happens all the time. I’ve sleptwalked outside stark raving naked , looking for a bowl of soup. THe night air usually wakes me up. Once I locked myself out, completly naked. Had to climb thru a window….

    Young couple across the street called the cops. I assured the police that it was just a conspiracy…….

  12. Used to dream I was being attacked by a 6ft naked skydiver. Got rid of the ceiling mirror. Sorted.

  13. My flatmate of a few years ago used to do the washing up in her very see-through undies in front of the window overlooking a fairly major road in west london. She wa very much awake and competent. At least you have an excuse.

  14. Whoops, I forgot to say…. she wasn’t the kind of girl you would want to see in her see through undies. Not unless you were particularly desperate. God, I hope she never reads this.

  15. You know, there is a great Off-Off-Off Broadway play in that. (Or your nearest London equivalent — Off-Off-Off West End? East End?)

  16. Dear Nakers,

    This post is useless without pictures.