Larder Panic

I need to clear some space.

My larder is getting to the point where I can no longer add new food to it, so I need to eat my way through what’s there. Apart from all the regular herbs/spices/condiments/baking ingredients, here’s what I have to make things with:

500g semolina
100g ground almonds
100g pine nuts
200g sultanas
1 jar preserved lemons
150g tin foie gras
1 jar stem ginger
Black beluga lentils
Jasmine rice
Basmati rice

And in the fridge:
500g jar foie gras
2 x jars goose fat
Large box of quince jelly
500g mascarpone
250g cream cheese
250g butter
1 bottle Veuve Clicquot
3 2 bottles lager
Some Parmesan cheese
Small block of lard
1 jar Jersey Black Butter
7 pots rhubarb yogurt
1 jar tomato passata
1 jar of black cherries marinating in kirsch
Half a dozen hundred-year-old eggs

Plus a freezer full of beef.

Hmmm. It strikes me that my diet appears somewhat richer than it probably ought to be. Still, any suggestions?


  1. *de-lurks*

    Is the semolina in flour form? ‘Cause if it is, you could do homemade pasta with it, and eliminate the tomato into the bargain.

    If not, the lentils, plus the tomato, some of the ginger, and some assorted spices could turn into a dal of sorts, for consumption with the basmati rice.

    The ginger can be further employed in a stir fry, then eaten over the jasmine rice.

    A quick google search turns up a number of things to do with pine nuts and sultanas, many involving vegetables. Some sort of side dish to accompany a chunk of your half-cow, perhaps?

    The only thing I can think of to do with the goose fat is confit. But confit is good, right?

    Foie gras goes well with fruit, yes? Perhaps the quince jelly? Somewhat unorthodox, but…

    No, I’m not attempting to dine vicariously through you, not in the slightest. Really.

    Happy eating, whatever you decide to do with it all.

  2. Ahem, do you have a blender?

    Btw, those eggs look nasty.

  3. What? No dead animals whatsoever? Or is Foie Gras under G for Goose?

  4. Is this a trick question?

  5. Omighod – basically, Fraser has initiated the first on-line edition of Ready Steady Cook – but of course, on a MONUMENTAL scale :¬D

  6. maybe you could find a few like minded ladies and gentleman and re-enact La Grande Bouffe where Four suicidal men gather for a fatal orgy of sex and consumption in Marco Ferreri’s 1973 satire ,with the intention of eating themselves to death

  7. Sounds like a great idea. Count me in.

  8. sounds great. a nice invitation for scary and of course – me, and we help you with all the food.

  9. I could finish off that veuve cliquot for you if necessary.

  10. you’ve got all the ingredients for a classic Italian cheesecake there!

  11. beef wellington, maybe?

  12. Eat all the fois gras, washed down with the veuve cliquot, in one go. Fois gras might be un pc, but it’s great and you might aswell eat so much of it it makes you feel sick – then at least you know you’ve had it.

    After that, buy some potatoes, chop them into small cubes, add a lot of garlic and fry it all in goose fat.

    You’ll end up in hospital with some kind of heart problem, but damn, it’s a nice way to go.

    (Apparanly Waitrose sell ‘Faux Gras’ now. You could buy some of that and then do a taste test. One of the weekend papers just did it, but usefully, the person that told me hadn’t had time to read the results.)

  13. Hm.

    I’d put the semolina, rhubarb yoghurt and the ginger together for a tasty pudding


    Lemons, Almonds, sultanas & rice together with some lamb and spices for something Moroccan and tasty


    make some ice cream from the cherries and mascarpone.

    Ooop, just realised how old this post is, hope its still lurking in your fridge.

    Bin the fois gras.